Frustrated

I am so frustrated with my weight at the moment. Last night I was taking pictures of Colby as the three of us were playing on the bed. For some reason Colby sits perfectly still until I pull out the camera and then every time I aim it at him he jumps off the bed runs down the passage and comes and jumps onto the bed again in high speed and every time he tries to do it a bit faster than the previous time. After a while I realised he sees himself in the camera lens and it sends him into a flat spin. So anyway, DH and I took some pictures of ourselves, just fooling around, and I was disgusted at seeing myself in those pictures. Ladies it is bad. I have never been this fat in my whole life and my whole face looks like a fat person's face. It is 11 weeks since Hayleigh's birth and I have not made nearly enough progress. Yes, I fit into some of my old clothes, but I am still not even near where I was when we got married. I need to lose 20 kg and nothing seems to be working. I have been going to the gym, I have tried doing the proteien diet thing, the low GI diet thing, I have cut out almost all the sugar in my diet, and still the scale is not budging. So as a bit of motivation DH said we should take a before picture (it is ghastly and I will never post it on here) and then work together on losing the weight and hopefully we will have a better after picture to compare with the before picture. So it's the start of the new me today. I think with that decision also comes with a bit of a postponement on the TTC side of my life... but we'll see how long we can keep going before the TTC monster attacks.

I also saw my friend Beth yesterday and she is really having a hard time lately. She has suffered 3 first trimester m/c's and it has been 9 months since her last m/c. She desperately want sto get pregnant again, but it's just not happening. Be strong Beth! It will happen, I know it will.