Sorry for the confusion

Hi girls. Sorry for the confusion. The pregnancy ticker I added was not intended as a means of sharing some wonderful BFP news, but it was just me trying to be positive. I made the ticker to see what would happening inside my body if I got my BFP this month. My CD1 was on 1 May so I am on CD15 today, which means if conception takes place during this cycle, I would already be 1 week and 5 days pregnant. That means almost 2 weeks of the forty are almost over. Now we just have to wait and see if my egg/s and DH's sperm were obedient.

Dear Deidre

I sincerely apologise!!! I have been to your blog once but for some strange reason I did not successfully add it to my reading list. I have thus been missing out on all your posts. I feel like a horrible blogging buddy. When you mentioned your blog this morning I thought to myself, Deidre's blog? Where? When? Have I missed out? I clicked on your name, got to your profile and saw your blog address there, which alarmed me because I think that's how this second blog of mine blog came out of hiding too. I have just read your posts (all of them) and your story is heartbreaking. And your daughter is GORGEOUS! I remember the pick you posted on FC!
From now on I will be the first to read your posts. Sorry, for my lack of comments, but for some strange reason I did not register.

Ps: this is my 101th blog post. Never thought I would love blogging so much.

Roadkill

Okay so we have a new name for the before mentioned blogger and as Jahni so brilliantly pointed out her blog resembles roadkill, so from now on I dub her Roadkill. Forgive me for being nasty and bitchy but she really gets to me, and I tried my hardest last night to include her in my prayers but I fear that God might know that I am not sincere.

Further more it seems that this blog address has also leaked out. My mom made a comment last night about the whole anointment thing and she could only have known this if she has been here. Got ya! Smile at the candid camera mom!

Okay, so now what? Well, we'll see. I am going password protected, but need to go read up on it a bit first and change the settings and all that, so you'll get your invites as soon as I have made the changes. It's not that I mind them reading this, but I don't need people dropping lines of my blog into conversations and thereby pointing out to me that they do not agree with me. Or to make me laugh and feel uncomfortable.

I have adopted a lot of the eating habits that Nix posted on her blog and I am proud to announce that I have dropped a few kilos. Not much, but I am wearing most of my pre-pregnancy clothes again. It's small changes and therefor it's not dieting and very easy to do. I hope the weight will keep on falling off until I reach my pre-wedding weight. I also look forward to trying out some yummy new recipes out especially Nix's Chicken one.

You know when sometimes someone hasn't done anything in particular to you or against you, but you just don't like the person?

Well, I have a someone like that. It's a cyber friend, or should I say foe, and this person just irritates the living crap out of me. She is also an infertile and I got to know her on an infertility forum and started to read her blog. What bullshit. Seriously, this woman is majorly self absorbed and totally off the road. I have been reading her blog for some time now and sometimes I just smile at what she perceives to be her struggle. Yes, I agree she has had a hard time, and she has had many miscarriages and yes, she has spent thousands on fertility treatment, and at first your heart goes out to this woman, but then you get to know her and you soon realise that this person actually likes all the attention. And that she considers herself the queen of infertility/hurt/grief/you-name-it.

She regularly posts about accepting her infertile state but then a day later goes on about a friend who is pregnant and now she wants to end the friendship. I also noticed on the old forum that this person only comments or "talks" to you when you've had a setback. Only then will she bestow her attention on you, but for as long as you are moving forward and making progress she will ignore you completely. If you get pregnant you are completely out of her little clique. Until you have a miscarriage, then she and her friends are quick to send you a condolence gift (which you have to pay for yourself) while they get drunk on your expense. Some of you might begin to realise who I am writing about.

So, why do I continue reading her blog? I don't know. I usually just scan over the posts quickly and when she starts with her self-pitying I hit the back button.

But why does this person deserve to be posted about by me? Well, I think she just doesn't get it. I guess this is what your life is like when you don't have faith in God and when you are going through this journey all on your own. Yes, she has her DH and friends, but you can hear in her posts that she just doesn't get what it means if God carries you through the hard stuff. She is so far off it's actually funny and I know I shouldn't judge her for her beliefs, but she doesn't have any beliefs. She just believes in her own pain and suffering to make her feel special (and VL of course).

But I took a Christian step and decided today to pray for her. Not to have a baby, I'll pray for that too, but for her salvation and so that she too can see the light. I know about fertility struggles and I know about the longing and the unanswered questions and I know about the dreaded miscarriages and I know about pregnancy anxiety. I don't know everything about it, but there is one issue I know more of than she does and that is faith and the power of the tongue. Can she not see that see is speaking all these bad things over herself? The tongue is a mighty and dangerous weapon and she uses it in a negative way on herself and her life everyday.

Here are 3 quick versus I just downloaded from e-sw.ord:

James 3:8 But the tongue can no man tame; it is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison.

James 3:6 And the tongue is a fire,a world of iniquity: so is the tongue among our members, that it defileth the whole body, and setteth on fire the course of nature; and it is set on fire of hell.

James 3:5 Even so the tongue is a little member, and boasteth great things. Behold, how great a matter a little fire kindleth!

She recently did an IVF and by the way she was writing about it I could easily see it wasn't going to be a success. She was moaning and groaning about it all the time and she was saying how distraught she was going to feel WHEN it failed. If you talk like this, lady, IT WILL FAIL. Every single time.

I guess I am prejudiced towards her because I don't like her, and I openly confess to you all that I don't like this woman, but I am going to pray for her. Maybe then I'll like her a bit more, and maybe she will slowly realise these things are in God's hands and that she should put her trust in Him and Him only.

Those of you who hate me for not liking her and the way she adores herself, feel free to comment. Those who agree with me, I knew you would.

Be annointed

I have been thinking a lot lately about this cycle and the possibilities of falling pregnant during this cycle. DH and I have been praying together each night while rubbing oil onto my belly (don't laugh) and we firmly believe that even if it doesn't happen right away, it will happen when the time is right. We also firmly believe in the anointment, which is done by salving a person with oil when praying for that person. Well, we have been praying for our baby and we know that the next pregnancy will be a healthy one.

So, I am on CD13 today and last night we did our anointing and prayers as usual, and then I turned on my side in bed and switched the light off. After about 30 seconds DH said to me: " Well I hope you don't think the Holy Ghost will come over you, because we still have to do the sex part". I just started to laugh. We have a planned schedule of intercourse around ovulation time and there I was ready to fall asleep, forgetting about the sex. It's actually amazing and goes to show how much I believe in the fact that God will bless us.

Okay, with all that said and done, if you read in Mark 11:22 you will see that the Bible says that we should believe as if we have already received what we have prayed for. I have tested this scripture before and it's true to my life, so on the weekend I will be going out to buy something for my baby. But, you aren't pregnant you might say, well, I am going to be pregnant soon and I can start buying something for my baby, because I have faith.

But, this has made me start to think about he pregnancy ahead. It's 40 weeks long. Do you know how long 40 weeks can be? 40 sounds short, but if I get my BFP this month it means little Mandy or Little Rikus will be born in early February. Next Year. In case you didn't quite hear me, I'll repeat: NEXT YEAR!!! That's so far away. But I guess it's part of the package and I am going to take it one tiny baby step at a time, with God on my side.

Edited to add:

A Biblical Overview of Anointing with Oil

To anoint means to rub or smear with oil, therefore,the act of anointing can be by either rubbing or smearing. Oil in the Bible is the physical representation of a spiritual reality. Hebrews 9:23-24 refers to such things as a type or "copy” of true things in the heavenlies. Anointing oil represents the anointing of the Holy Spirit or God's anointing and it can be used for:

Consecration – Anoint and pray setting people, children, homes, offices, etc. apart for God's purpose. In Exodus 30:25-29 and Exodus 40:9, Moses is commanded by God to anoint the tabernacle and it's furnishing "that they may be most holy." We are the tabernacle, the holy temple of God. Anoint and pray, asking God to make us "holy"

Impartation – Anoint and pray asking the power of God to come into your heart or the heart of a loved one. As when Samuel anointed David as king in 1 Samuel 16:13 imparting the power of the Holy Spirit The Bible says “the Spirit of the Lord was upon David from time forward."
Emancipation – Anoint and pray calling upon the Lord to set you free, Isaiah 10:27 tells us that the yoke, a symbol of the bondage and oppression of our enemies, will be destroyed because of the anointing oil.

Preparation – Anoint and pray to prepare yourself and others for God's purpose. In Matt 26:6-12 a woman pours a fragrant oil upon Jesus' head as preparation for his death and burial.
In addition, anointing oil is used as a sign of joy (Isaiah 61:3, Hebrews 1:9,) and is to be used for joy when mourning has ended (1 Samuel 12:20-23) for readiness (Matthew 5:7-13), physical healing (Mark 6:13, James 5:14-15), adoration (Luke 7:16-30), to honor a guest (Luke 7:38,46), when preparing to meet the king (Ruth 3:3), for cleansing (Leviticus14: 15-18, Ezekiel 16:9), for burial Mark 14:8), medicine for wounds (Luke 10:34), for disease Jeremiah 8:22). To abstain from anointing with Oil is a symbol of mourning (2 Samuel 14:2).

Moses was commanded by God in Exodus 30:22-25 to use specific spices to make the anointing oil for the tabernacle. In a similar manner today, specific spices (Exodus 35:8), directed by God, are added to olive oil for specific purposes.

Apply the oil in the name of the Lord. Then in faith ask the Father to meet your needs and the needs of others. The power is His; the privilege to pray is yours.

Competitive jealousy

As I have mentioned before, my SIL and I don't share a very healthy realtionship. We get along, but we have a bad history and there is always a competitive atmosphere in the air between us. I can clearly remember the day I found out about her pregnancy. We used to work for the same company and I found out via sms the previous night. I kept my cool and pretended that it wasn't much, and then when I arrived at work the next day and saw my friend Mariella, I just burst out crying and wept in her office for about half an hour. Mariella is old enough to be my mother and we share a close bond. She understands these kinds of things and she is always very outspoken about what she believes. Well, when I saw Mariella and she could see that I was upset just by looking at me it broke down my invisible wall of defense and I just wept. You see, I was the one who always wanted children. These people were always partying and getting drunk every weekend and their main financial priority was having money for their weekly braai.
Anyway, they were determined to have the first grandchild in the family and they succeeded and I have worked through the feelings of jealousy and I have a fairly good relationship with them these days, but I still sometimes get the feeling that they rub their "having-a-daughter-success" in my face.

To give you an example, I have a BFF called Hetta and she shares her children with me unconditionally. We visit them regularly and she always includes me when it's feeding time or bath time. My SIL on the other hand can't even stand it when I hold her child. Yesterday, while we were visiting my MIL her little girl who has just recently started to walk, came up to me, I picked her up and we played a hand clapping game and the little one was laughing out of her belly while we were playing. Out of the corner of my eye I could see SIL getting really upset. She grabbed a tupperware holder with cheese curls out of her bag and started calling the child's name while trying to get her daughter to come to her. I put the child down and she promptly started to walk towards her mother. I am not jealous of her child but she is forever jealous if her child is sitting on my lap or if I make her child laugh. It's absolutely ridiculous. This is just one of many similar experiences I have had with them and it makes me very angry. I just want to stay away from them.

She also doesn't feed the child any kind of real food. M is allowed to have a bottle, yogurt and the custard range of purity. I have lots of other friends whose children are on solids already and eating from the same food as their parents in small amounts, but my SIL believes that her child will get fat if she gives her any solid food. Come on woman!! My SIL is also very thin herself and quite obsessed with being as thin as possible (she was dieting during her pregnancy and weighed 6 kg's less after the birth than she did before she got pregnant) so I guess she wants her child to be like that as well. I keep my mouth shut, but it makes me so angry! I don't feel any of these feelings towards any of my other friends who have babies, so I have asked myself lots of times before if it's just me. I don't think so. She constantly sends me every picture she takes of her daughter by e-mail, but when we are in the child's presence I am not even aloud to hold her? She keeps on talking about the fact that her next child MUST be a boy, etc, and then I just sit there and wonder how simple her life must be if that is her biggest worry in the world. Are these people from another planet? Maybe I am just too sensitive. My MIL is also not helping because she is forever telling me how perfect M is and what a wonder child she is. I know she is very cute, and all, but I do sometimes wonder how my own children will be measured up. I kind of feel like I want to keep my own babies (when I have them) away from these people, but DH will be hurt if I do that, and of course my children will suffer because of their mother. I just don't like this competition and it's exhausting. Sometimes I even contemplate moving to another town to escape it. But running away won't solve our issues. I tell you, I am just so tired of trying. And it's damn hard to cope with all of this without letting it affect you. I want to do the christian thing and just turn the other cheek, but I am upsetting myself and I am starting to hate these people.

Imagining things?

Okay, I have realised that I had a stomach bug or something. Got home last night and felt shaky and dizzy and soon afterwards was lying next to the toilet in an attempt to vomit. Nothing happened but I was very nauseous. I got up and crawled into bed, waiting for DH to get home. Eventually I got up again and went to the toilet when I had bad stomach cramps and a very runny tummy. Then again, and again, and again. I am feeling much better today though, and now at least I know the nausea wasn't m/s. Ha-Ha. Amazing what your mind can start to believe if you want it to, hey? I do still have tingling achy breasts, but that must be hormones or something.

Today is CD8 and hopefully by this time next week I will be starting to ovulate. I have contemplated buying OPK's but it's usually a waste of money because I get Positives every day. I know it's the darkness of the line and all that matters but in the end I drive myself crazy, and it creates unneeded stress in my life. I would rather just BD every 2nd day from CD9 to CD16 and then every day from CD17 to CD20 (My previous cycle was 31 days long, which means ovulation probably took place on CD17). That's a lot of love making and it should do the trick IF there is an egg. And that's a big IF.

SURPRISE!!!

As you can see from my ovulation ticker I should be on CD 7 today.
Well, I have been having weird symptoms lately. First of all, my boobs still ache every now and then, second of all I still feel that stretchy feeling in my uterus, thirdly, I am so nauseous at night that I don't want to eat AT ALL. And I am spotting! So what is happening?

To be frank, I have pondered that I might actually be pregnant. (I hear you going WTF????over there - What about yuur AF last week??)

Well I had similar bleeding in both previous pregnancies. But the bleeding only started after a BFP was confirmed. The only thing I can do to get to the truth is to POAS, but I cannot get myself to do it. To POAS 3 days after your period is RIDICULOUS! And then there is also a bit of delicious suspense in not knowing for sure, but reading the signs. Yeah, I know this is CRAZY WOMAN talk, but it's possible to be thinking this right?

I keep telling myself it isn't possible, but then I feel that sore boob and the nausea, and then I just start to smile when I think to myself in a whispering voice " psst you might be pregnant". But about 5 seconds afterwards I awake from the daydreaming and realise my hormones are just all over the place and the spotting is causing all this crap.

Well, we'll just have to wait and see. I am not going to POAS because this is just POAS-SATAN playing around with my POAS addiction, and frankly I would rather not know.

I actually think a surprise would be nice. A 40 week long pregnancy without knowing it and then one day SURPRISE LABOR PAINS!! SURPRISE BABY!! SURPRISE HAPPINESS!! Without all the stress and anxiety. I would gladly go without the scans and tests if God could just let 40 weeks fly by and then SURPRISE me. I have a baby room all ready. Please God SURPRISE me.

Cycle busted?

As you all know I am on Metformin and Ecotrin at the moment. Well AF arrived on CD32, which I then count as CD1 then, and she disappeared on CD4. But we did the Baby Dance on CD5 (just for pleasure) and I had slight spotting afterwards. Not during the deed, but a few hours afterwards. Then yesterday evening we had a repeat of the BD and now I am spotting again.
I just hope I am not going to start bleeding on and off again. I promise to take the Metformin religiously 3 times a day, and then hopefully we will have ovulation this month. It angers me to think we might be back to square one (where we were 2 years ago when my cycles disappeared and I started bleeding profusely). I just want to be normal.

Dear HPT

Dear HPT

Please accept my sincerest apologies for having doubted in you.

It was not my intention to do so, but I was foolishly misled by the false signs my body and mind were sending me. It was only when our dear Aunt Flo arrived that I realised you were telling me the truth all along. I promise that in future I will trust your judgement and I will rely on your accuracy.

I hope that in future we can continue having a trusting relationship.

Yours sincerely

Mandy

This is starting to piss me off

I think I might be having a psychological pregnancy or whatever you call it.
My body is throwing all these signals and symptoms at me. I had the sore and tingling boobs again last night and throughout this morning and I even felt nauseous when I had to eat toast for breakfast. All this I could still handle by just ignoring it. The about an hour ago,I started having these tiny little twinges in my nether regions. Exactly the same kind I got with both previous pregnancies. I know you all are thinking BFP, but no, still a BFN. And I know you are going to say go for a beta,but I'm going to say, no, I'll wait it out. But, Mandy you are going to go crazy! Yes, I know, but I cannot afford to go for bloods today, because it's stock take again and I am very bussssyyyy, and if I go I will be sitting here for 3 hours doing absolutely NOTHING except staring at my phone. And then I will have to act all nonchalantly when the lab lady calls to say BFN. And also I don't think I can handle a BFP while at work. Not today.

HPT = BFN

HPT = BFN.

Isn't it fun that we can type 6 letters and it will sound like a six sentence paragraph to others in the same boat.

Like if I said:

CD30 = BFN or

CD30 = AF or

CD30 = BFP!!!

Or HPT - CD30 - BFN - AF NO SHOW - WTF?

It's like a secret code, and only those who qualify are aloud to use. Reminds me a bit of my pre-teen years, except those inscriptions were usually used to write love letters. The heartbreaking stuff to us at that age. This time it's still heartbreaking stuff it just runs so much deeper.

Anyhow, you catch my drift, I am on CD30 and HPT still BFN, and AF still absent. WTF?????

Oh dear, the fertility world can be such a crap place sometimes, don't ya think?

Internetlessness

I have been sitting here all day (well for the most of the day) without internet.
I felt like an alcoholic without a drink. Screwed.

Anyway, have a nice long weekend. Hubby is coming back tomorrow so I am going to be busy all weekend telling him how much I missed him all week, and then Maria and Johnny are joining us for lunch on Sunday.

Love you all, BYYYYEEEE

Ps. So glad blogland is still here..

I fucking hate this

I just heard that one of my colleagues is pregnant. It is a colleague I got along with her until I got pregnant the second time and then she started to avoid me because she also wanted to get pregnant and apparently everyone knows about the this pregnancy of hers except me. She has been very rude and cold towards me and I just ignored it to be polite and to keep my side clean.

The fucking bitch. I can understand that she wanted to keep it quiet until 12 weeks, but I am not fucking stupid and when I realised everyone was whispering behind my back I put two and two together. Now we have an atmosphere, and I fucking hate it. Seriously I am fine amongst pregnant woman, so they shouldn't’t go around treating me like I have leprosy or something.

And I know it sounds childish, but now I hope I am not pregnant because I don’t want to be pregnant with her. I’ve felt like this before when I thought that I couldn't’t conceive, but since then I have worked through pregnancy jealousy, but this time I just feel fucking lousy!
I have lots of pregnant friends, so why is this affecting me like this???

I am going for a drive now, I need to get away from this shit hole place.

The suspense is killing me!!

As you all know I have shares in different HPT Companies like Preg-Sure and Spot-On and Clicks, so this means that I have unlimited access to HPT's (NOT!!) and therefor I decided last night to listen to the crazy bitch woman's voice in my head when she told me to POAS.

I used the Preg-Sure Cassette Type which at first didn't show any lines (WTF??), so I left it on the basin and went to bed. This morning I almost fell into the damn toilet when I glanced over and there was a bright CONTOL line, and a very faint TEST line. I tried to take pictures, but the camera kept blurring so you can't see the faint line :-(
(I promise you it's there, I even asked Agnes and she can see it too)

"I KNOW IT CAN BE AN EVAPORATION LINE, BUT AT LEAST LET ME DREAM A BIT!"

This is what I am telling the bitch woman's voice...

Blast from the Past

When did you have your first kiss?
In standard 7 while on Holiday

How old were you when you had your first period?
1 May 1994 at the age of 14 - I was a bit of a late bloomer..

Did you ever have a crush on a teacher?
No - I had ugly teachers

Tell us about your first serious relationship?
I dated a professional rugby player for 3 years from age 20 to 23.
Needless to say he cheated on me, and I was heartbroken after it ended, but gee am I glad we never got married. We would have been divorced by now.

Have you ever stalked someone?
I lived in a student commune while at Varsity with 7 other girls and there was another commune in the same street with male students. We regularly visited there, but we always drove home from their side of the street so that we could see what they were doing.

What make and model was your first car?
A 1979 Blue Datsun Pulsar - named Blow Job due to the color by my student friends. I inherited it from my grandma when they moved to the coast.

Did you ever wear Doc Martins?
Thank heavens no!

What is the most memorable song from your school career?
Everything I do - Bryan Adams

Have you ever done any pole dancing?
Yes, once at a 21 birthday party at our commune, I got a little (okay a lot) drunk and danced around the pole on our "stoep". I couldn't remember any of it the next day, but they had the pics to prove it. I did however still have all my clothes on.

Have you ever been too drunk to drive yourself home?
Sadly, yes.

Have you ever been dumped?
Sadly, yes. By the asshole rugby player after I set him an ultimatum.

Have you ever gone out without wearing underwear?
Sadly, No.

I am pleasantly surprised

WOW, I am pleasantly surprised. Since I started the new blog, so many people have been e-mailing me to get access. I never knew that I had so many readers. You girls are making me a bit nervous here. Suddenly I feel stage fright creeping up on me!!!

In other news, it's back to the gym today with my friend Carli. The only thoughts that come to mind are "Fuck, why did I eat so much crap and drink so much milk while I was pregnant?" and "To anyone who stares at my fat ass in the gym, up yours man, I had a dead baby, I have more reasons to be fat than you do!" No other words motivation are present in my mind at the moment.

Okay, onto other news. We had a good weekend. Friday evening was a bit hectic with lots of last minute shopping and stuff to do, then on Saturday I helped DH pack his clothes for the week long clinic in Lesotho. Then we went to meet his boss and colleagues at the practice where they had to offload everything. We were supposed to be at little Belle's 1st birthday party at 15h00 but only got there after 17h00, because we first had a beer with his coleagues at the guest house. We had a lovely time at the party until a nasty family fight broke out and everyone started yelling at each other. Luckily we are only friends with them so we were just innocent bystanders amidst the family tiff. Nothing serious though, just different opinions and FILS who don't know how to mind their own business. Then yesterday I watched a great DVD by Gretha Wiid on Sex within the marriage. Basically it's about how to keep both sides happy emotionally within the relationship, which then leads to more sex, which then leads a healthier marriage. Gave me quite a lot to think about. I also visited with friends and briefly saw my parents. DH will be coming back on Saturday, so I will have lots of time to myself, which is a good thing, but after a week it gets a bit long. and we cannot phone each other because his roaming was not activated in time.

So who do you guys think will win SA Idols? And do you watch American Idols? Who are your favourites? Or am I the only geek that watches Idols?

Tomorrow we are going to do a nice little meme about secrets of our past and I tag all other blog authors and followers to do the same on their blogs.

Till tomorrow then, I have to work on my gym face now.

Spilling the beans

Okay, okay I have kept you in suspense for long enough so here it is:

1. We are TTC'ing. Yes, I know I haven't had 3 AF's, but it kind of just happened, and DH is very very excited. It's amazing how my husband has changed since Hayleigh was born. He cannot wait for me to be pregnant again. I think the whole pregnancy thing wasn't real to him until he saw Hayleigh. He had a little "Aha" moment and now he wants a baby very badly. So when we went to Sun City I was on CD12 and we have been doing the baby dance non stop this whole week. I am telling you guys we didn't even have so much sex on our honeymoon! I was going to keep it quiet until we get a BFP, even if it takes forever, but in true IF style I also need some TTC support and I was dying to tell someone. Let's hope for a good outcome. What about the diet plans and waiting 6 months, you might ask? Well DH said to me very sternly one night:" you can worry about your body after we have had children" so needless to say I wasn't going to be invited onto the TTC wagon twice. We should be on CD28 by Sunday so I will keep you all posted. I don't actually have high hopes, but it's still exciting. I am also feeling strangely removed from it all. As though I am talking about someone else...

2. I want to open up my own business. A Baby shop. Selling baby furniture, nursery linen, prams, camp cots, toys, diapers, clothes, the works. There are plans for a new mall in town and it would be great if we could have a spot in there. We don't have a similar shop in Welkom (like a Baby City, Baby Boom, Treehouse or a Toys R us) and all my friends with babies in Welkom, Virginia, Kroonstad, Hennenman, Hoopstad and Bloemhof travel to Bloemfontein for Baby gear.
I have casually mentioned a baby shop to some selected people and everyone I speak to thinks there is a good market for it because people are fed up with poor service at Edgars and Game only has a limited range of basics. My SIL even went to Cape Town to buy her baby furniture and 3 of my recently pregnant friends had to travel to Bloemfontein and JHB for a simple cot and compactum. I was also getting my compactum and shelving from JHB before we decided to cancel the order after the m/c. The new mall will only be opening in Oct 2010, but we need to reserve the shop we want on the building plans soon. I am very very excited and for the first time in my life I really really want to take the risk and just do it.
I just have a little Capital problem, and because we are renting our house, we don't have much to give as security. So we need to draw up a business plan and go see our bank manager.

So there you have it.

Angel Kisses

This is amazing, and I have to post it again to share it with you guys. Jahni and I shared the same due date and her precious little girl Nicci was born last week. When I got into the office this morning, I opened this comment on my previous birth story post:

Hi Mandy! I had a good cry when I read your post. I am glad that Nicci wasn't born on "our" due date.When Nicci was born, she had two tiny birthmarks on her eyelids. The paed calls them "angel kisses". I think Hayleigh gave her two kisses, and then sent her to me. Thank you for your voicemail while I was in hospital, and thanks for being the stunning friend and person that you are. xxx

That is so awesome. I am still sitting here with goosebumps. It seems my little Hayleigh will be little Nicci's guardian angel from now on.... That's so sweet.

Closet case for now

Well I have 2 dirty little secrets, but I cannot share them with you. At least not for now anyway. My mind has been totally absorbed by these 2 secrets for the last week, and I need to talk about it to someone.

The first one is fertility related and I cannot really tell you anymore than that, except that we are very excited. There have been no rash decisions made or anything, and No, we are not adopting, but at least I have hope on my side again. In a few days or so fear and worry will also show up, but I cannot elaborate on what is going on until we have a final decision. Will keep you guys posted though. I promise you will be the first to know!

The second is a possible business venture, which is not fertility related but is baby related in a way. We (a good friend and I) are still looking into it and it is still in the distant future, so no heavy lifting being done at the moment, but it is very exciting to be pondering a career change and also very scary if you start to think of all the risks involved. There still is a lot of research we need to do and quite a few calculations and budgeting, and then we'll have to see if it is a viable business opportunity. I am however very excited about it and I would love to be doing this, so lets hope it all works out.

We are off to the in-laws tonight for brother in-law's birthday dinner. Need I say more..

Today is also the day we planned on scheduling my c-section, so I have been thinking a lot about Hayleigh today, but in a good way.