Well as most of you might know, we infertiles had this great forum once where we all got to know each other and supported each other through many hard, difficult and HAPPY times. Some of us got pregnant, some of us did not. Some of us had healthy babies to take home and some of us did not.
Well you see, when you have a large group of women making comments to each other it is only natural that there might be some disputes. Especially if a lot of the women become pregnant and others don't. There is always that little green monster sticking his head out.
Unfortunately not all people know how to handle conflict. So some tempers flare, people become angry, some people become offended and some people become just plain mean. Then there are also those that sit and do nothing about it, because they are too scared of being in trouble. It is a sad thing when that happens on a forum.
Well is it fair and just to ban someone (Marthie - was banned for life yesterday) for having their own opinion and for getting cross when they feel violated? Is it fair and just to degrade a member's status (MariaE was degraded to Uber member and she no longer has moderator status) for having an opinion? Is it fair and just to delete posts (Tammi's post about the issue was deleted) before any other readers on the forum could have a chance to read it? Is it fair to then ban a fellow member (Tammi was also banned for life) for siding with the "wrongful" member?
This is a democratic country, but it seems some people in "higher" positions consider themselves as the queens of the internet. The think they can do injustice to us all and we must sit back and say nothing. It is absolutely rediculous. I am not banned yet, but I expect to be banned soon. Or maybe they will have "so called sympathy" with me cause I recently had a loss, and therefor qualify for "the misery club".
I just think you should all grow up and stop bullying your members!!!
More on this to follow after I have had some nasty anonymous comments....
Thanks Mandy! You know, some poeple just dont get it. Maybe when they stop complaining and stop over analyzing everybody elses life and they stop feeling sorry for themselves, something good might happen in theirs.
ReplyDeleteThat was my problem, and I got over it and now, i am a better person with no grudges and a baby on the way. I applaude you for your strength. xxx
Thanks Mandy ! We have decided to give them no attention whatsoever ever again. They are just not worth it ! We are in contact with the people we love and value, Yes we love you :) and that is all that matters ! I have no space in my life for sour and bitter witches. Thank you for being a friend hun :) Lots of love xxx
ReplyDeleteI m still deciding if it is witches or bitches that is more appropriate, hmmm...
ReplyDeleteHi Mandy,
ReplyDeleteI couldn't handle second-guessing every word to come out of my mouth anymore, and the forum has become a bitter, toxic place where one can't even express sympathy without feeling like a witch for being pregnant. I left.
Pixie, that's exactly why I have left too, I am still looking at the forum to see it hey ban me too, or if they delete my post....
ReplyDeleteYou get punished for having an opinion and for taking a stand. Isn't a forum supposed to be a place where you can give an opinion? They just want us all to suck up to them.. and when we don't we get banned... shame... we rocked their world.. and this is how they react.
I am so sad that this is why you are leaving the forum and that Tammi and Martie have been banned. I want to understand this so I have asked the administrators why via PM. I know Martie forgot to disable her ticker (big flipping deal) but actually it was about something that was said on her private blog.
ReplyDeleteRANT AHEAD
A private blog is a PRIVATE blog and if something is said there which you don't like then leave it OFF the forum, don't drag it into the public community. Why? because here are the reprocussions. From what I can make out this has all happened from that. Now we have 2 banned members and people leaving. Nice :(
We need to stand together and be tolerant of one another. We are all going through possibly the worst we have ever had to deal with and the community is so very small that for members to be banned is really awful, a banning should only be there for trolls not if someone steps out of line.
What if one of the banned members needs some support, where do they go?
Thank-you for being on the forum, Mandy-Leigh, and sharing your highs and lows. I have learned about compassion, courage and grace from you. Thank-you.
Lesley
Sorry for the emotional response but this has really upset me.
P.P.S Pixie123 and your post on the forum about leaving have just dissappeared. What the hell is going on??
Sorry the previous anonymous post was left by Lesley Richards (richardsl on the forum) I was not trying to hide my identity.
ReplyDeleteHi Lesley, no problem, I saw your name at the bottom.
ReplyDeleteYes, they just deleted the post. As I thought they would. It's horrible that this is what it has come to. I just feel that I have to stand up for what I believe to be cruel and unfair. Why should a member be banned if she diagrees with another person or calls that person a bitch on her own PRIVATE blog. Everyone won't get along! That's a fact. Why ban someone because she is cross at a moderator? Let them sort it out among themselves. Now we have all become involved. I say people should be able to vote in a poll before banning anyone.
Thanks for your kind words. We'll keep in touch here...
Hi girls
ReplyDeleteThere are trolls on that forum who leave nasty anonymous comments on people's blogs, so that is not anything I would want to be associated with. Martie sent me the comment and it made me sick.
I think the moderators failed dismally in making the forum a safe haven, because it only protects people TTC, not the preggos. Preggos have to tiptoe around and not be seen or heard.
Mandy, your attitude has really opened my eyes. You have no bitterness, only light! I admire that very much.
Lastly, I'm starting to wonder about the privacy of the private message facility on the forum, as it seems that conversations were leaked, containing things that offended some moderators. Maybe I'm just paranoid.
Lesley, yup, my post was deleted and I'm waiting to be banned...
xxx
I cant believe they deleted the posts.
ReplyDeleteOfcourse they deleted the posts. It is THEIR forum and if you dont fit in to the "crawl-up-my-***-club" then you will notice. Dont worry, we will very soon have our OWN space where w can make eachother HAPPY and be friends :)
ReplyDeletexxx
Hi girls. I really did not intend for you all to leave because if what I did. I do not know where I dragged this whole thing onto teh forum though??? This was only on my blog and I never put it on the forum did I? Preggo brain might be failing me right now???
ReplyDeleteAnyhow, I know for a fact that the private messages leaked as that is the MAIN reason Tam and I got banned - right after we sent eachotehr private messages...so as for private...WHATEVER!
I LOVE YOU ALL WITH ALL MY HEART and even though i have not met any of you, I truely believe that you have provided me with more support and love than any friend ever has. xxx
Hi, as a regular'ish user of THAT forum, I just want to say I'm sorry about what's happened and I completely hear what you're saying as I'm feeling it too... I'm also sorry not to "see" you all anymore because without you knowing it, you provided me with some great advice, support and strength. Re the forum, I sometimes feel that if you haven't been through at least 2 IVFs and gone through losses, you're not considered "one of them" and part of the inner circle...
ReplyDeleteAnyway, those are just my thoughts...
Hi girls
ReplyDeleteI am so sad and disappointed at what has been going on. I so enjoyed the support I got through everything but I really think the forum has no turned into something ugly ruled by people who clearly has "my why or the highway" tatooed on their foreheads. Just because we are/were pregnant does not mean all our pain has disappeared! Anyway, I will be posting my cheers tomorrow, hopefully a few girls will be able to read it before it disappears! Keep me in the loop ok?
xxx
Paula
Okay girls
ReplyDeleteI just got to read this message now and I am so fucking angry that those people are playing God over there.. One in particular.
Here goes .... I will be handing my own resignation in too - lets see how long its up before it too disappears mysteriously.
... then again perhaps I will not have to resign as my comment on this blog will somehow make it to the forum
ReplyDeleteNo longer subscribing either. Don't need to be banned, I no longer post.
ReplyDeleteBellindi on FC (Nix in real life ;) )