The Verdict

The doctors appointment was quite straight forward. I was a little anxious when we walked into the waiting room, but once Dr F called us in and started to talk I was feeling a lot better. He said it might have been an infection in the area where I had the bleed during the pregnancy that could have caused the cervix to soften up and dilate. He recommended that we wait at least 3 months (or in other words 3 cycles - my cycles are sometimes a wee bit longer than a month) before we try again. We explained to him that we need to save some money for IF/WHEN I will be on bed rest again and that I need to lose some weight first. If I keep on stacking on the baby weight I will never get back to my old self. So we decided on a 6 month waiting period. I also told him about my decision not to use the BCP, and he said it was fine as long as we use "other" forms of contraception. Can you believe it! We are using contraception...


He also said he wants to put in a stitch the next time I get pregnant at 14 weeks. That will not necessarily prevent pre-term labour, but it will give us some time to try and stop the labour (if it happens again) and it sure as hell will help me relax a bit.


He also did a pap smear and an ultrasound and the uterus looked "healthy" but my ovaries are full of small cysts due to the PCOS, so back onto the Glucophage I go. He says he is not very worried about the Endo because I don't have unbearable discomfort, and he doesn't want to put me through a laparoscopy again.

So now we have to patiently wait on the results of the pap smear.... Have I ever told you how much I hate to wait? I DESPISE IT.

Edited to add: I had a very vivid dream about Hayleigh last night. I dreamt that she was 3 weeks old and that my mother had been looking after her because I couldn't (don't know why).
I begged her to let me hold her and when I looked at her she was sooo sooo beautiful. She clung to my hand for dear life and I held her little body close to mine. I woke up soon afterwards and had this strange feeling. A feeling of immense love for my child and the few moments I got to hold her last night. Consequently the hole in my heart feels bigger than ever today.